Relationships

 

One of the most beautiful yet fragile aspects of our lives is relationship. From the moment we are born we desire the security and the love of a meaningful relationship. While some would argue that sex is a basic human desire to stimulate sexual appetite, my experience in and out of the counselling room, is that underpinning that desire is the need for intimacy and relationship. Each of us has four significant states. We have the physical, the emotional, the social, and the spiritual. All four of these parts are designed to work together in harmony. Relationship breakdown can be complex and can occur when one or more of these elements fail us.

 

Check out the "Test the Quality of your relationship" questionaire below.

 

I have found these two books to be essential tools for repairing and maintaining a relationship.

 

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: How to Get What You Want in Your Relationships by John Gray (Paperback - 4 Nov 2002)

 

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Relationships) by Gary Chapman (Paperback - 31 Dec 1995)

 

If your relationship is struggling then you may need the services of a counsellor.

 

 

Try The Relationship Health Profile Test

 

Circle either True or False for each item.

 

1. I am satisfied with my sex life.
True
False

 

2. My partner doesn't really listen to me.
True
False

 

3. I trust my partner.
True
False

 

4. I feel picked on and put down.
True
False

 

5. I feel hopeful about our future.
True
False

 

6. It is not easy to share my feelings.
True
False

 

7. My partner often says, "I love you."
True
False

 

8. Sometimes I feel rage.
True
False

 

9. I feel appreciated.
True
False

 

10. I am out of control.
True
False

 

11. My partner is there for me in hard times.
True
False

 

12. My partner is harsh in his or her criticism.
True
False

 

13. My partner understands me.
True
False

 

14. I fear my partner is bored.
True
False

 

15. My partner doesn't like to share what's on his or her mind.
True
False

 

16. I imagine myself divorced.
True
False

 

17. My relationship is what I always dreamed of.
True
False

 

18. I know I am right.
True
False

 

19. My partner treats me with dignity and respect.
True
False

 

20. My partner is a taker.
True
False

 

21. We often do fun things together.
True
False

 

22. Sometimes I just want to hurt my partner.
True
False

 

23. I feel loved.
True
False

 

24. I would rather lie than deal with a problem.
True
False

 

25. We still have a lot of passion in our relationship.
True
False

 

26. I am trapped with no escape.
True
False

 

27. My partner thinks I am fun to be with.
True
False

 

28. Our relationship has gotten boring.
True
False

 

29. We enjoy going out on dates alone.
True
False

 

30. My partner is ashamed of me.
True
False

 

31. We trust each other a great deal.
True
False

 

32. We have become nothing more than roommates.
True
False

 

33. I know my partner will never leave me.
True
False

 

34. I am no longer proud of my body.
True
False

 

35. My partner respects me.
True
False

 

36. My partner constantly compares me to others.
True
False

 

37. My partner still finds me desirable.
True
False

 

38. We just seem to want different things.
True
False

 

39. I am allowed to think for myself.
True
False

 

40. I feel crowded by my partner.
True
False

 

41. I am honest with my partner.
True
False

 

42. People have no idea what our relationship is really like.
True
False

 

43. My partner is open to suggestions.
True
False

 

44. My partner has shut me out.
True
False

 

45. My partner is my primary source of emotional support.
True
False

 

46. I feel judged and rejected by my partner.
True
False

 

47. My partner cares if I am upset or sad.
True
False

 

48. My partner treats me like a child.
True
False

 

49. My partner puts our relationship ahead of all others.
True
False

 

50. I never satisfy my partner.
True
False

 

51. My partner wants to hear my stories.
True
False

 

52. I chose my partner for the wrong reasons.
True
False

 

53. I look forward to our time together.
True
False

 

54. My partner thinks I am boring in bed.
True
False

 

55. My partner is lucky to have me.
True
False

 

56. My partner treats me like an employee.
True
False

 

57. I win my share of disputes.
True
False

 

58. I envy my friends' relationships.
True
False

 

59. My partner would protect me if necessary.
True
False

 

60. I am suspicious of my partner.
True
False

 

61. I feel needed by my partner.
True
False

 

62. My partner is jealous of me.
True

False  

                         

 

 

 

        

 

 

  

Scoring

 

 

 

Now go back over your test and count all of the even-numbered questions to which you answered True. Write down the total. Now go back and count all of the odd-numbered items to which you answered False. Add that number to your "True total" to get your overall score. Even numbered "True" responses _______ Odd-numbered "False" responses _______ Overall Total _______

 

 

 

This test is designed to give you a quick snapshot of the health of your relationship. If your overall score is above 32, it is likely that your relationship is in danger and you would benefit from counselling.

 

 

If your total score is between 20 and 32, then your relationship is  troubled and you may be living an "emotional divorce." Seek a counsellor.

 

 

If your total score is between 12 and 19, then your relationship is probably about average (which is not great) and certainly needs work.

 

 

If your score is below 11, then your relationship is well above the norm and may have isolated areas in which you can improve.